So today I was sitting down to write a midweek motivation post.. been pushing it off for the past couple of days. Why you ask? because honestly I have not been feeling super motivated myself lately. I have been sick and quite anxious alot of the time...
Then I thought about a post I read this morning about anxiety and I thought yes I can leave it get me down or I can get up and fight. So here I am.. hello..
The post was also saying that how in recent times anxiety is becoming a new trend - Like the newest fashion accessory. Now the optimist in me wants to believe that no-one would be that horrible to pretend they had it if they didnt.. surely not.. but the realist in me is thinking it is possible. I have written something about this in the past where I said and still truely believe that the reason that there are more & more people coming forward and talking about it is because people we admire are doing so, therefore giving us the encouragement and the strength to do the same. I think this is fantastic #stompoutstigma. However I must say it truely gets to me the thought that someone might actually be using anxiety as a way of attention seeking or getting more views for their blog!! Im sure that anyone who reads this and perhaps is keeping up with this pretence is not going to change their mind because of me , but heres a dose of reality -
Anxiety is not cool! It is not something that you can just turn on and off when it suits. It is terrifying for no reason whatsoever. Your mind can not slow down, thinking thinking thinking... You are always planning an escape route in case something goes wrong. You constantly feel like you are in fight or flight mode. You can no longer do "Normal" things. You can think yourself into a panic attack... why? who knows. Your body feels like it is under threat .... but its not... you know this , but it doesnt help... You lay awake at night thinking a million and one scenarios that begin with "what if". You do everything to appear "normal" to the outside world while feeling like a fraud most of the time. Throw in some OCD and its exhausting. You get good at hiding it though. The invisible illness that only people who have suffered will know. You feel drained, scared & alone most of the time... when will it end..
I developed mine about 2 years ago now I believe. It was the most terrifying time of my life. I went form a normal, happy, social, independant girl to a girl who couldnt get on a bus and didnt know why.. Now I have grown more, learned more, I am now capable of dealing with more. It is by no means gone.. not even close but panic attacks are less frequent, I can now do almost everything I used to be able to and in time I will get better and stronger but it all takes time. I may fail but to be honest I dont see that as much of an option so I am determined to succeed! As I am sure I have said this before not many people in my life know I suffer with this. Its not social anxiety so I appear fine most of the time even though the thoughts in my head are racing. Its not something I am open or forth coming with in my real life as I feel like its my business and my issues, of course if it ever came up I wouldnt shy away from it as I am also not ashamed! Something I cant control , But something I will fight... I will win... I have to believe that! I might forget it alot and I might not feel like it most of the time but I know deep down I deserve the same chance as everybody else to live happy and fullfilled, as do you.
If there are people who would ever use this as an accessory then I really hope they stop. Would these people pretend to have Cancer or other serious illnesses, no because its not nice.. dont pretend to have an illness just because its invisible. Enjoy the fact that you are illness free!! Believe me anyone with anxiety wishes they didn't almost every single day.
Anyone who suffers like me you are not alone and we will be fine! We will fight and become stronger than we ever thought we could be!
Thank You For Reading
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