Wednesday 31 August 2016

Midweek Motivation || #singlebecause

Hello there my darlings,

So there was a hashtag trending a while back called #singlebecause. Many of you may have seen this or even been a part of it! This is actually a topic I was thinking about writing about anyway. I currently have a couple of friends in situations when it comes to the love life department & I also have not been so lucky myself recently (What are you going to do right?) So it kind of has been a subject that has been on the forefront of my mind.

Why do we do it to ourselves eh? We fall for our first loves, get our heart broken (majority of the time) pick ourselves back up & then try to do it all over again! Why? You would think we would learn our lesson but no, no, off we go, into the next disaster.... If you ask me we do it for many reasons. Anthropologically speaking we are programmed to do so. Our bodys have the same instinct as any other animal on this earth - to reproduce & to keep our species alive. Secondly we are a social species. We enjoy company & it fills our heart with joy to share our experiences with someone. Having someone around makes us feel safe & loved. Society has deemed it proper to have a significant other & I think we are only coming to an era where being single after a certain age is actually socially acceptable. 

I find it funny that whether it is at the forefront or whether it is sub-conscious we (if single) are constantly on the look out for our next love story. This causes many complications.

First off the media has totally changed the view of relationships for people. It idealises it in movies & social media #relationshipgoals , This means people are expecting so much more perfectionism & find it harder to deal with the reality of it - which is life is messy! 

Secondly - On the hunt for prince charming you are probably going to kiss many a frog - this means baggage. Lets face it, everyone's got it. Which means our view of life & relationships has slightly altered since the days of puppy love, making googly eyes across a room & passing around notes. We try not to but we all do it & we all have it. I think the best think you can do is be aware of your baggage & do the best you can to not let it destroy any new love.

Thirdly - Something I think what a lot of people forgot about is that your body & your mind look for a partner in different ways. Your body responds to hormones & pheromones, in other words who is the ideal mate to reproduce with. Your body is not monogamous, as harsh as that sounds (Dont get me wrong, respect & loyality is everything to me & would never put up with cheating) This is fact. Your brain however wants a mate who is loving, caring, shares the same interests, morals, values and intellectual standing. Your body does not care about this. I think this causes conflict within people without them even realising. 

Finally - I think modern society has made the dating world harder than ever before. Reality Tv shows encourage playing the field, so to speak. They glorify sex & more often than not exclude any thoughts of love, romance & chivalry. There is also too much choice now with the globalisation of the world through travel & social media. In the old days, in our grandparents time, they didnt travel very far. They fell in love with people from their area & their marriages lasted decades! Divorce is more common now & if you ask me some people are not putting as much thought into marriage because they know they can just get divorced! I fully believe in divorce & believe it is needed but I think people are making marital decisions a bit too lightly due to its availability.       

About 4 years ago (after yet another relationship fail) I made a promise to myself not to get into another relationship until I knew he was worth it, real deal, in it for the long haul. I have met many young men in this time & gotten to know them, however none them were for me or what I was looking for. It will happen, I have every faith in that but none of them were right. My life is important & therefore it is important who I spent in with & include in it (even when it comes to friends)

The main reason I wanted to talk about this is because it has really come to my attention That sometimes people really dont know their worth & are willing to put up with alot in order to be with the person they love. I think compromise is essential & if you are with someone you should be willing to go to hell and back for them. Give the relationship your all!! Otherwise what is the point but sometimes you are better off single. What I have just said only works if both parties are doing this! You need to be a team, willing to fight on the front line together, willing to take on the world & whatever life throws at you, while also enjoying everything it has to offer! Im kind of getting sick of watching people put their all into relationships while their partner takes it all for grant or does not treat them with the love & respect that they deserve. 

I refuse to do this. I would rather be single. I know they love them but I think It would hurt in the beginning but they would be so much happier in the end. You only get one life!! Why spend it being miserable with someone?? I think these past 4 years have been good for me! It was never intended to be 4 years & I have no set intention on how long it will be for... my stint in singletown could end in another four years... could end tomorrow. I will tell you though I have learned alot about myself, my baggage & what I am & not willing to put up with & I think that will help create the basis for a fantastic relationship in the future #fingercrossed

What are your thoughts on this topic?

Chat soon x

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